


Take me back to the way life used to be

by likeamigraine (eatintoothpaste)



Category: American Gods - Neil Gaiman
Genre: Alternate Ending, Dysfunctional Family, M/M, Post-Book(s), Shadow doesn't stop the war, Shadow teams up with Loki and Wednesday instead, what if...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-30
Updated: 2012-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-23 00:50:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/616236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eatintoothpaste/pseuds/likeamigraine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He dreams of fire and of a land across the ocean and of a long lost reign.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take me back to the way life used to be

**Author's Note:**

> Beta-read by **janiedean**.
> 
> Title © Flogging Molly.

He dreams of fire and of a land across the ocean and of a long lost reign. He dreams of being powerful once again - not this knock-off version of his former powers - so powerful that he could burn down the world. However, even in his dreams he knows that this can't be real. It feels good, it feels right, but it's not real. He remembers how being really powerful felt like, and it's not like this. _This_ is just a faded memory, a worn out dream, dreamt over and over again.

He wakes up.

He wakes up and there are strong arms around his shoulders, and there are tears on his face. He doesn't want it, he doesn't want to be comforted, and yet he can't move away from that embrace, from those chapped lips on his burning forehead.

"Are you okay?" asks Shadow, carefully moving up a hand to cup his wet cheek.

"Of course I'm okay," replies Loki, trying to keep his voice flat. "Go back to sleep, you need to rest."

"I don't think you are okay..." murmurs Shadow, caressing his right cheekbone with his fingertips.

"I don't need your help," says Loki, trying to move away from his arms. Shadow doesn't let go. "Leave me alone."

"Then stop sleeping with me if you want to be left alone when you have nightmares and you thrash around and cry in your sleep," retorts Shadow, suddenly feeling self-confident and eloquent.

"It wasn't a nightmare."

"Mh?"

"It was not a nightmare," repeats Loki, sighing.

"Yeah, but there was fire and..."

"Were you spying on my dreams?" snaps Loki, angry embers dancing under his pale skin, lighting up the room with a candle-like glow.

"I was not," replies Shadow. "You were broadcasting so loudly that I couldn't help catching a glimpse of something."

"You're getting better. I should start training you..." mutters Loki, trying to change the topic.

Shadow kisses him on the lips. "Thanks..." he says, smiling.

Loki kisses him again, with tongue and teeth and warm hands under his t-shirt. "There's a better way of saying thank you, you know? You could get on your knees and let me fuck you for the second time, this night."

Shadow feels a surge of arousal shooting down his body, his cock awoken by the combination of Loki's mouth, hands and words.

"Get all hard and nice for me," whispers Loki in his ear, before nibbling at it and then caressing the reddened skin with the tip of his tongue. His other hand slides down Shadow's body, aiming for his already half-hard member.

Shadow is about to give in - because it feels oh, so nice - but then he remembers why he is awake in the first place and decides against it. "No," he chokes out.

"No?" murmurs Loki, before sucking on his neck. His wandering hand is almost under Shadow's waistband, but Shadows catches his wrist and with a quick movement flips him.

Now Loki is lying with his back on the mattress, Shadow towering over him. "No."

"I don't know where this is going, but I like it," smiles Loki, trying to touch him with his free hand. Shadow catches his other wrist and pins it against the pillow.

"This is going nowhere. At least, until you tell me what happened. Otherwise we can go back to sleep, without me 'getting all hard and', err, the other things you said."

Loki's smile gets wider. "I'm kinda proud of you. It's getting harder to manipulate you. You're getting stronger, more confident and even a tad nasty. I like it. I'm a proud uncle."

"Oh, please, don't say that again," moans Shadow. "It's creepy."

Loki snickers. "I'll keep that in mind."

"So... what was that again?" asks Shadow, letting go of Loki's wrists. The other god sits up on the bed and rubs his hands over his face.

"Leave it be. I don't feel like telling you."

"There was fire. And a general feeling of loss..."

"No shit, Sherlock," quips Loki.

"There's no need to go all aggressive on me. I'm telling you this not to judge you, but because I know how it feels like. I frequently dream of the Sun. And it feels good and right until I realise it can't be real and it must be a dream. And that's when it becomes a sort of nightmare. My life used to be normal, bright during the day, dark at night. Now, in comparison, everything seems dim, like I'm living between two places: our former home and this new place that I used to be able to call home."

Loki stares at him in disbelief. "Even your phrasing is getting better."

"And...?" insists Shadow. He's gone too far, now, he has exposed himself too much; he won't get a compliment for an answer.

"And it's the same for me," mutters Loki.

Shadow sighs. "That's why I wanted a straight answer."

Loki lies down on the bed, covering his eyes with his forearm. "I guess so..."

"Don't you want to... err, fuck?" tries Shadow, after a while, feeling the blood rushing to his cheeks, rather than to his almost-flaccid penis.

"Nope. Just lie down and get some sleep."

Shadow nods and lies down beside the other god. "If it happens to me again... will you wake me?"

"I will. Don't worry," Loki's voice is as warm as his skin. Shadow finds his closeness comforting. He grabs his hand and plays with his fingers for a few minutes, until Loki's hand goes limp, letting him know that the other god has fallen asleep. Shadow finally decides to get some rest, too, and curls up, his knees slightly touching Loki's side, his forehead brushing Loki's shoulder.

It's ironic, lying there beside the god who killed him once, and tried to kill him twice. But that's how life goes, and life is ironic indeed. Shadow smiles a bitter smile.

"Please, don't hurt me," he whispers, wishing he could avoid loneliness and pain, just for a little while.

When he falls asleep he dreams of basking in the summer sun - something he can do even in this powerless and forlorn land - and he resolves to do it as soon as they reach California.


End file.
